Simple- from the heart

I like to keep things simple.

This past month I invested some time in creating a brand new website. It went downhill. The problem? My name Michy, was already taken. I then took an alternative route...maybe what I needed was a name change. Clarita Castro Photography. Sounds exotic no? I wasn't too convinced. So after hiring one of my friends, going through the process, and actually seeing the website, I backed out.

It seems I have been doing that a lot lately. For those who don't know, I had left my old job to pursue a career. I had left being a patient care coordinator in order to Teach Spanish at a ninth grade center. I lasted a day. Technically, if you count my observation hours, it was two days. The reason? This should be left for another blog.

My old job took me back and now I am back on square one. My hours have changed so my body is trying to get used to waking up late, getting out late, waking up early, getting out late. I'm suffering what I will call "a temporary case of insomnia". I'm not complaining since I knew exactly where I was headed to. I was headed to a place where I will begin to analyze my life from the same exact spot I was in two years ago. Literally. I am now an interpreter. Back step. Huge back step. Sometimes I feel I am the living example of that verse in the bible where it says something like: One who is double minded is like a dog who returns to its own vomit. Ouch. This hurts. Yet, here I am. Back where I first started two years ago. The difference is that I am now married. I keep going to and fro. Thinking "if I would have majored in such and such degree". If I would have known I wouldn't have liked teaching...If I had money to go back to school, if , if , if....There are no "if's" in the kingdom of Heaven, Corrie Ten Boom reminds me.

As much as I disgust myself sometimes I have come to realize that I am very much a simple person. I am not the "cool" kid on the block. I am the responsible, goody goody, fearing God little girl that I have always been. I am not complicated, but I do like to complicate myself by putting myself in situations to make my life complicated. Does this make sense? I live in a Western mentality where you always have to be GOING somewhere and DOING something, because if you are not, then, you my friend, have missed the train. To which I also hear Corrie tell me, "Your Father will hand you the ticket when you are ready". My problem is that I have been asking this question for three years now. "Lord, when will I be ready?". When in reality, would I be ready to embark on an adventure?  What I need to learn however, is to trust, rest, and enjoy the Bread. So why do I try to make my life less simple? Seriously....why?

I came to the conclusion that God gave me the gift of creativity for a reason. I had not used it since high school. I had put in on hold until last year, when I started doing this photography thing. I feel like sometimes I am not good enough. I am not talented. I am not creative enough. I start thinking that I will never even amount to be competitive in this industry. These are the voices I have been hearing.

I hear my enemy say, you did it. You made yourself look like a fool. Remember that prayer you prayed a long time ago? The one where you asked God to never put shame your way? Well, this time He couldn't protect you. You messed up and people will certainly think differently of you.

Then, in the midst of all chaos, I found a blog. Yes, sometimes God puts blogs in my way. :)

I love it when God shows me a way through other people who are normal, just like me. My favorite thing to do when I find a new photographer is going back, way back, and finding their old stuff. When they used to suck, and when they used think they were the best. Then, after a few years, I see their transformation. However, this time it was different. This couple's photography is not necessarily the style I go for, but I found myself in them. She started with a day job and a hobby, and now she is her own business owner and doing what she does best.

Their actual website: http://www.lovetheschultzes.com/
Their old blog: http://cheyenneschultzphotography.blogspot.com/

Page after page, I find that I am very much like Cheyenne. Except that she took a step I probably am too scared to ever take. That is, going full time with photography. And this is where I'm at. Right now, there is a fork in the road. On one side, my future tells me I need security. On the other, my passions tells me I need to stay true to my heart. Why are these two decisions always at hand, contradicting each other? Nonetheless, I am there. Waiting in expectation.



If you read my blog; if you dared read all the way to the end. Let me know. Write your comments. I do not bite. I need to know if people actually would care for this. I see my stats, and they say you guys are reading from places such as Russia, Malaysia, Puerto Rico, Peru, Brazil, Ukraine?
Seriously...are you guys Spam?

My life is simple. I love Jesus, good books, tea, and creating something. Something is always on the go. But sometimes, I need a little affirmation. Even Jesus had affirmation from the Father. "this is my son, whom I Love, Obey him". Show me a little love peeps, and I will show you my love through my art. YOU are the art I create. I firmly believe you are not little, and the place where you live is not little either.

No little people; no Little places.

Yours truly,

Michy Castro